Devoid of Feelings

I don't understand how people can be devoid of all feelings .... I had a conscious instilled and it's something I'm thankful for .... but how do we relate to those with none....? how do i measure what is acceptable and what is just based on another persons ability to feel....

black and blue heart

okay lets get this over with....i'm all beat up and trampled again....life is so not fun....i'm sick of the game...i'm sick of the trouble...i'm so not a fighter...i don't have it in me...it's another replay of the last...it happens over and over.... can't beat it....i'm done playing the game....i can't keep this up....it's destroying my heart which is the only thing that keeps me alive....it's making my heart beat painfully...i don't deserve this...i'm blatantly not going to care anymore...give m what you got...hit me with all your best shots...cause right now...i don't care....stabb me while i'm down...have fun shoving me around til i'm backed into a corner...get a kick of your ridicule....i'm much better than all this...i'm much better than alll of you...i have tons and tons of frustration that will propel me without you....i don't need your angst and toxicity...i have so much to give that everyone rejects.....the day willl come when you will want me and I so won't be there...i can't wait to kick your request to the curb....it will feel so good to smirk and disdainfully walk away from your pathetic requests...no it won't be yours it will be mine. i have words and that is something most of you don't have.

Beware of those who build tunnels

Never trust a person who claims they are not afraid of anything and very self sufficient. The reality is that they really aren't afraid of anything and they're truly so self sufficient they don't need anyone. They just build tunnels -- leaving empty holes behind them and move on to the next project.

Does anyone remember the Sugar Creek Gang?

I found an old copy in a shop last year and wished for the entire year I had bought it, but knew no one out there would buy it. No one read the Sugar Creek Gang! I went back to this shop a year later and wandered around looking for my book...my eyes couldn't focus on all the millions of other items in the shop and I wandered in and out of each room amongst the crowds of black friday shoppers and after thanksgiving wanderers. My eyes searched and for a moment i feared that another book lover and childhood memory seeker had bought my book. There was one side of the shop left to look in that wasn't decorated quite as lavishly as the other side. There in the middle of the room was a book shelf with just a handful of books on it's shelf. My little book was there waiting for me!! I took it to the counter directly to purchase my long awaited book and she asked me "will that be all for you today?" as though I should have been buying trinkets or what not"s instead of just a dark maroon little old book. I felt the surprise in her when I said "yes thank you".
I don't have a ton of maternal memories as a child, but I will say that my mother would read a chapter of the Sugar Creek Gang series to my brothers and I at night before we went to bed. I loved sitting on their bed with them quietly listening to my mom reading to us. We looked forward to each night and the next chapter. I read the books now and I hear so much more than I did as a child and I know the real value was sitting close to my brothers and mother and being engaged with these fun adventures with the sugar creek gang.

Gotta go see the "Descendents"

I saw the previews at a movie recently and looked forward to seeing it ** but had no idea what the movie was all about ** it is one of the best movies i have ever seen ** unbelievable acting ** intense story ** so true to life ** could have been any of us ** you need to go see this movie!!

Can' quite put my finger on it

I'm not quite the right manager according to the union -- because I pose a threat to their agenda. No kidding -- and i've spent the last 2 years being side swiped by them every chance they get. I thought with my new position this was gone -- but curiously they are back with a vengeance -- kind of like cancer. They're going to try and choke me out because I follow policy and speak the truth. What a ghastly bunch of human life and they attract those who have the same tendency.

It's interesting how in a department there are those who are honest, upright, and there to do what's right. These people don't band with the rest but are afraid to take a stand. It's always with a hushed voice that they support and speak their minds. I just wonder how many others are out there cowering and confused. I wonder how many other managers are being harassed or targeted. I can't be the only one but apparently I'm the only one speaking my mind or seeking legal advice. It's time we speak our minds and share our experiences.

It's a beautiful morning

It really didn't start out to be a beautiful morning as the black cloud has been haunting me all week and culminated in destroying my life. At least I thought it had but thanks to the almighty God I really had nothing to fear except my exaggerated imagination. Even though I believe so strongly in myself my world rocked big time and I feasted on the worst. Once I had clarity I was instantly on solid ground. I seem to have a ship wreck so frequently that I fear every wave and swirl. I'm thrilled to be okay though and I had a good day driving to Chico...got my hair cut by the amazing Ingrid and then stopped in to see my middle son and his girl friend. I love them and they are doing great!I'm home and happy with my two best friends (kitty's) woobie and penny.

black cloud with lower jutting teeth

that black cloud with those lower jutting teeth haunted me for the last 24 hours....ughhhh...i'm not going to think about that oddity for now. I drove up to apple hill today and saw the fall colors...brilliant reds and oranges and had such a nice day with brenda. actually one of the nicest days i've had in a long time...bought candy, carmel apples, chicken dinner, and fresh kettle corn....oh yes and most important APPLES....yep fresh one....oh and second most of all the christmas door ornament with bells....a charlie brown wreath with red bells....love love love it....almost signed up for a dating program...but she locked her keys in her car and couldn't do the interview....the lesson learned here is don't think so hard about everything...stop overthinking every tiny detail to pieces...get out of my head and feel the sun on my face and the fall breeze in the air....not worth wasting energy on black clouds with jutting bottom teeth. (ishhh)